Over the last month, witnesses have described an individual exposing himself to visitors of Bombay Hook Wildlife Refuge. One victim recounted, “When he came out of nowhere along the muddy banks of Shearness, I decided the best course of action was to avoid eye contact and slowly walk away.” The individual has been repeatedly reported to local authorities but has not yet been apprehended. Last Thursday, a quick-thinking birdwatcher managed to get detailed shots of the perpetrator in the act. By assessing the molt patterns on wing and tail feathers in the photos, forensic ornithologists could conclude the suspect was a mature, fourth year snow goose from Nunuvat, Canada. “Once we had a detailed description of the suspect, we tasked a team of binocular-clad patrol officers to canvas the park,” explained officer Woodward, lead detective on the case. “With luck, we hope to have the suspect in custody before spring migration.”

After many years of photographing and studying birds, I've had an epiphany. I think the Birds Aren't Real theorists may be onto something. I've kept my beliefs to myself until now, but it's time for DOS members to know the truth. There are just too many birds in suspicious places. The Red-flanked Bluetail in New Jersey? It's so ridiculous of a record, it must be a government planted surveillance device.

This March both a Pearly-eyed Thrasher was spotted at Key West Botanical Garden in Florida and a Brambling was seen at private feeders in Utah. Highly dubious.

It seems to me the average common birds are probably still real. But all these insane vagrants we've had must be installations. These locations are so outlandish they must be part of a targeted surveillance initiative. We should all be wary of these highly attractive "birds" that may well be collecting our faces and whereabouts.

Stay vigilant,

~Michael Moore, DOS President

"Micro-birding: the Wonders of Moths” by Matt Sarver
April 17 @ 7:00 pm – 9:00 pm EDT
 

Upcoming Field Trips
 

In October, the hawk watchers at Ashland Nature Center were greeted by a mob of sign-carrying protestors. The crowd was a group of individuals who believe that birds are military drones operated by the government to spy on American citizens. Throughout the day, the mob interfered with the activities of the count by waving signs that said things such as “Birds aren’t Real”, “You’re not Watching Them. They’re Watching Us!”, and “Eyes in the Sky.” David Brown, official hawk counter for the Ashland hawk watch, became exasperated as he was booed by the crowd every time he called out a broad-winged, peregrine, red-tailed or other raptor. “They ARE real,” David shouted, “Look, there’s a Merlin right there and over hunter’s field is a kettle of Turkey Vultures and just rising above the notch is a Bald Eagle!” The crowd became angry and reportedly started chanting, “Liar! Liar! Liar!” By 3:00pm David became so fed up with the ordeal that he slammed down his 14 clickers and stormed off the hill.

Coinciding with the grand opening of Bombay Hook’s new visitor center is an innovative amenity available to guests of the refuge. For a small fee, visitors can rent a trained bird to accompany them on their trek throughout the refuge. Park officials explained, “We know how intolerable the refuge can be during the warmer months. Biting flies, mosquitoes, and no-see-ums can become a real nuisance and turn a relaxing day birdwatching into a painful, itchy experience.” Currently, the service allows visitors to rent a bird for $30. The bird will accompany the individual throughout the day, and snap insects out of the air, forming a bug-free bubble. Marsha Holt, lead on the rent-a-bird project reports, “At the moment, we only offer mourning doves to accompany guests as they were easiest to train. But we plan to eventually outfit our operation with flycatchers to provide guests an even larger bug-free bubble from which to enjoy their visit.” Megan Kasprzak was one of the first volunteers to try out the program. “I was surprised at how well it worked,” she said. “I didn’t get bit once and the dove was actually great company.”

Park-goers have reported a cardinal attacking cars in the parking lot of the nature center at White Clay Creek State Park. The bird has been repeatedly approaching windows and pecking at its reflection in the glass. Susan Gaines, a witness to the incident, stated, “I have never heard such profanity come from the beak of a bird in my life! I had to cover my child’s ears and usher her quickly to our car.” The cardinal was last seen defecating profusely on the side mirror of a red SUV and heard muttering, “You’re such a dumb looking bird. Hasn’t anyone ever told you that faux hawks are so 2004? Those red feathers totally don’t go with your complexion.” Park officials recommend that people cover their side mirrors with bags to help deter the cardinal.

Every fall, birders gather in downtown Wilmington to wonder at the Chimney Swift spectacle. These small, cigar-shaped birds gather in tremendous numbers near sunset and enter residential chimneys to roost overnight. Sally O’ Neil, owner of a house along the block of Delaware Ave and Franklin Street, has recently received nationwide attention for her social media posts of the swifts. “I started recording the birds from along my street corner using my cell phone. I generated quite a following of people fascinated by the spectacle,” she explained. “One night I decided to play Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” and I couldn’t believe how the birds reacted!” Upon hearing the music, the Chimney Swifts immediately shot into Sally’s chimney. Sally tried playing other musicians, but the birds only responded to Taylor Swift songs. Sally’s social media accounts garnered more than 2.1 million followers, and it even prompted Taylor Swift herself to witness the phenomenon. Taylor visited Sally’s residence and performed an acapella version of “Anti-Hero”. Sure enough, the swifts immediately descended into the chimney as the words spilled from Taylor’s mouth. “These Swifties are surely my biggest fans,” Taylor exclaimed. “This is way more exciting than watching my football boyfriend win the Super Bowl.” Taylor has since become an avid birder and has donated millions of her proceeds to help the conservation of important bird habitat.

Staff and volunteers at Tri-State Bird Rescue and Research have been puzzled by a series of thefts occurring at the premises. “It’s just been baffling,” explained Anita Moos, the organization’s marketing associate. “It’s not like anything highly valuable has gone missing, but we’re all starting to feel a little crazy.” The stolen goods have largely been office supplies consisting of pens, paper clips, rulers, binder clips, cell phone chargers, USB storage devices and the like. With the goal of uncovering the perpetrator, staff at Tri-State strategically placed motion-activated cameras in the offices overnight. When the footage was reviewed the following day, staff and volunteers were dumbstruck. “I couldn’t believe my eyes,” explained a volunteer. “Never in a million years would I have guessed it was a crow!” Footage revealed that one of Tri-State’s patients, a young American crow, was escaping his enclosure every night. It hopped around the office areas, stealing items from each of the desks and then disappeared into an old, unused animal carrier. Before the next morning, the crow returned to its enclosure, closed the door, and acted like nothing happened. When staff investigated the abandoned animal carrier that the crow had been visiting, they discovered a small shrine. “And there it was,” reported Anita Moos, “All my paper clips, staples, pens, and push pins were right there in a pile surrounding a photo of Lisa Smith.” When Tri-State’s former executive director, Lisa Smith, was asked to comment, she said, “It’s endearing in a creepy way. I knew the birds would miss me, but I didn’t think they’d get so attached.”